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No one is coming to save you.

Updated: Jun 29

“No one is coming to save you.” It was early 2018 and I had made a Facebook post with this quote. I was making one of the boldest decisions I’d ever made in my life, to leave my education career and become a coach and founder. At the time, I owned a home as a single woman and mother to a nine year old son. 


There was a silent trauma going on in the background because I was also going through a super misogynistic experience, losing the opportunity to ease out of my school leadership position, as planned, because I’d named gender-related issues in the workplace. They wanted me out sooner. I was negotiating a severance in a super unpleasant situation while starting my coaching career, which seemed to be coming faster than I’d planned. I was definitely nervous. 


A friend of mine reached out to say that she was so sorry to see what my father was doing on Facebook, which alerted me to the fact that he’d taken my “no one is coming to save you” post and made a big skeptical about how whoever would write this was securing a seat in hell because Jesus, indeed, was coming to save you, and was the only one who ever could. 


It was strange, even for him. It was a huge episode of acting out against something he didn’t like. Which was that I was making big decisions for myself. As a thirty-six year old. 


I’d stopped taking money from him about two years prior, as I had begun to realize the deep loop of failure/rescue at the basis of our relationship. He needed me to fail and admit failure, and then he was the one who could and would rescue me. I was a well educated and capable woman but things always felt tight and every time we talked, I got the pit in my stomach, knowing that he’d ask how I was doing financially and I’d have to admit that things were too tight, or there was an extra bill I couldn’t pay. He would, after this ritual, help me. 


But I would feel deeply ill, with a feeling in my stomach as if I were being gutted. 


The truth is he loved to save me. Loved to rescue me and play the hero. He had, in fact, groomed me to need it. 


The line between father and savior was therefore always blurred for me. As were the lines between love and money. 


It turned out that if I wanted a father, I had to play by this dynamic. It’s a narcissistic abuse pattern, I learned later in therapy. He was simultaneously the source of money in my life and the man who stole my innocence. He continued to reap my life force through this and many other dynamics over time. 


When I stopped my participation in this money dynamic, our relationship ended. I wish I could say the impacts ended as quickly. 



FEAR & ENTREPRENEURSHIP



I’ve been aware for a while now that I didn’t just have “normal” entrepreneurial fears. I had extra. It was hard to parse out which was which and I can’t say I’ve done a good job. 


I heard Oracle Girl, Dr. Jacqueline Hobbs, say something recently to this effect - the original seeding of something you are to guided to do or create is never wrong. 


I also heard a statistic that I can’t cite that only three percent of entrepreneurs start “impact brands” - businesses designed to make a difference in the world. I honestly would have thought that is the point of entrepreneurship, but I guess I’m clearly mistaken and one of the odd ones trying to make a positive impact doing exactly what my soul came to do. 


When the idea, or spark, of creating Embodied Breath came to me, it was a divine directive. No question about it. I started to “hear” the instructions from somewhere other than my mind - a faculty I now use regularly but it was a little more out of place then, as it would happen while I was walking through the halls of the school I’d just recently helped to open. I heard things like, “You will only be at this job for one year” and “You will call it Embodied Breath” and “You will serve women to heal their trauma and to become who they truly are.” 


So I followed the instructions. Of course I did. Those kinds of instructions are never wrong. 


Your calling is never wrong. Not when it’s the voice of the Divine telling you what to do. 


But then, as you step into that calling, there will likely be counter-forces that do not want you to do the thing that you are supposed to do. This was constant and incessant in my journey. Perhaps I wish I’d known this sooner and this is why I’m telling you. 


People will give you a million mindset hacks for overcoming imposter syndrome and personal limitations, and sure enough, you’ll need to do these things as an entrepreneur. But few will tell you that there are actual forces that don’t want to see you win and you'll need to learn to navigate that too. If you're going to live a life of true purpose, you're going to need bigger tools. Beyond your own shadow or ego structures that will sabotage you, outside forces may also make it harder on you.


There are forces that, if you decide to go all-in on your God-code creation and say “no more” to the incessant victimizing bullshit, would just as soon see you go down. 


Soul-preneurship is a journey way beyond doing business. It’s learning from the path of your soul, and offering what you’ve learned. 


And I never thought I’d have to learn so much “defense against the dark arts” training on this path.  




EMBODIED FEAR WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EMBODIED BREATH


It was about a month after the severance was signed. Things were still fresh. I was standing in my boldness, conjuring strength, doing the thing, when I met my cousin for tea. And she said, “Did you know that your father attacked someone on a golf course?” 


What the hell was going on? Why was he attacking me on Facebook and then a stranger on a golf course? He was losing his shit. 


I’ve written about this scene for the memoir I’ll one day publish. It gets quite graphic. My entire body went into this very deep, very visceral fear response and I had to keep getting up from tea in this delicate little cafe, making multiple trips to the bathroom as my body completely let down. Eventually I had to excuse myself altogether, cancel my next meeting, and go home to be alone to process the very, very deep level of fear I felt in my body. 


When I got home, I immediately and instinctively emailed a photo of my father to my child’s school and told them that if he were to arrive to pick up my child, it was a 911 situation. I emailed my adopted daughter’s parents with a similar message. Once I knew the children were safe, in the safety of my own home I let myself begin to process what my body was showing me. 


Even though I had been healing trauma through somatic means for years at that point, processing various levels of abuse and fear, I didn’t have full answers as to what caused this deep fear response.  


This level of fear in my body and the full vagal let down, was something that I was very used to managing by this point in my life. I had no idea at the time that this was such a severe trauma response, because I was so used to regularly living like this. And I’d developed a badass, high achieving persona as an adaptation.


Truthfully, it often felt like there was a threat to my life. A nebulous, strange, dark threat. 


I’d felt this way as a child. My family of origin really wanted to present as if everything was normal, upper middle class, and put together. The messages to me were not about wellbeing, but about achievement. There was an importance placed on money and accumulation, and yet also, I didn’t have access to the wealth they’d accumulated unless it was in this rescue pattern and unless I was denying who I truly was, allowing a narrative to go on. When the five of us ended up at the family beach house together, my mother would have us wear white and khaki and go out onto the beach for photos, which she hung on the wall in her houses and her office, which portrayed an image that felt confusing to me because it was so false. 


And if his hand was on my back as we posed for photos, I was stiff and holding my breath.


When I’d tried to tell her as a teenager that I had been abused, she told me not to be silly. So I essentially spent the next fifteen years trying not to be silly and denying my inner knowing and body signals. 


What I’ll say right here for anyone who needs to hear it: I was not wrong. And I had to believe my own body and experience. 


Believing myself and my body, come to think of it, actually may be the bravest thing I’ve ever done. 


Believing my body changed the course of my life. 


It also opened me up to more painful truths. As I broke away from the system, I realized how truly dysfunctional it had been. 


And it has required many years of healing not only my body but the mental distortions, mind-control patterning, the various abuse imprints and the realization that the system had covered up what had happened to me as a very young person. 


Within a few days of finding out my father had attacked someone apparently with a golf club, I was on the phone with one of my father’s sisters that he speaks to regularly, trying to figure out if he’d truly cracked and how. With a history of mental illness and Jekyll and Hyde behavior, I knew anything was possible. But the violence on others was a bit new for him, as far as I knew. It felt like a demonstration of threat. 


I was changing my life and he was reacting. It could have seemed unrelated, but I instinctively knew that it wasn’t.  


She said he was struggling and admitted that he might hurt someone. My mind searching, I said, “Well, he’s never been suicidal, he wouldn’t hurt himself.” 


And plain as day, with a tone as if she were saying, “I enjoyed a blueberry muffin for breakfast today,” she said, “No, he wouldn’t hurt himself. He would hurt you. He could kill you or your mother.” 


My aunt said that to me as if that is a normal thing to say. As if it weren’t a red-flag, actionable situation. As if someone should not run and get help. 


This level of insanity was normalized. The difference this time was that someone was actually speaking it. 


And no, no one ran and got help. It just stayed there in the air, some kind of secret we’d just shared. This is is something else I've noticed about abusive environments - the true stories are often told 1:1, or secretly, or quietly. While very little changes for the victimizer, who is often the person in an established position of power. The dysfunctional system was built and revolves around that person, and so each person would have to break free to challenge the ring leader, but in doing so, would lose access to resources and connection. So few break away, and those that do break away are called crazy and wrong.


After she admitted this to me, I began to wonder if I was safe in my home. 


The fear I had always felt in my body was the fear of instinctively knowing that what she said was true. And the more I was moving toward my authentic self, the more he was acting out and the more real the fear felt. Like an invisible string was getting pulled. 


But he was also being pulled like a puppet on a string. There is my father the man, and then there are the forces that control him. 


My business was not even three months old. But now the fear was even more real. 




THE FEAR RUNS DEEP. BUT THAT WAS THE INTENTION. 


Parents react when you make life decisions that may worry them. It would be totally fine for a parent to say, “I’m worried about you” and express genuine concern. But this was not that. 


So how did it happen that my aunt would casually affirm to me that my fear of being killed was real? 


A year later, just before giving my TEDx, I learned from his other sister that he’d been groomed in a satanic cult as a child. They all had. Two siblings admitted it and had gotten help (these two aunts), two brothers kind of admitted it and avoided the truth and had struggled with addiction (my father being one of them), and the other two deny it completely. 


Learning this made a lot of sense to me - for as much as this crazy ass thing can make any sense at all. For one, my soul path had already pointed me toward an understanding of these forces that act against Creation - the SRA, or Satanic Ritual Abuse, being the absolute worst of them and responsible for many global atrocities. And secondly, because it helped to make sense of the extreme fear-beyond-the-fear that I’d always felt. 


I knew a lot about both professionally and personally about how trauma works by that time, but understanding the depth of ritual satanic abuse and how it breaks the mind and soul was difficult to grasp, to say the least. I’ve traced a lot of the impacts within me as a second generation victim of this, but it’s definitely still not all clear. 


My father had been groomed by the worst, most soul-breaking, most controlling and disgusting forces imaginable. It was done to him and his siblings as a child and the things they were made to do are too awful to write here. But I will say here that this is far more common than anyone imagines, and it’s also far worse. It’s held right under the surface in our society, but thankfully less hidden all the time. 


It's losing its grip.


The things the SRA does are intended to break a human from their own soul and bind that soul to dark forces, struggle, and networks of energetic siphoning. When I talk about the soul's architecture, our energetic blueprint, and our Creational template, this is what I'm talking about. There is truly an energy architecture that connects one into their own higher dimensional aspects (beyond the 7 chakras) and into Source. The intention of the SRA and the other dark force networks is to disrupt the energy architecture and Source/Soul connection on purpose, for the purposes of stealing life force perpetually while the human flounders, wasting energy, doubting themselves, wondering why life is hard.


And they target children, so that the damage is deep and lifelong. Many humans who experience this will then become a puppet for these dark forces because rehabilitation is difficult and many wouldn’t even know where to begin, lost to their own addictions or becoming the victimizer themselves. 


And so he had perpetuated what was done to him onto me. He didn’t even have to methodically try to - it had become a part of him. His soul was tortured and broken, and actually split. The Jekyll & Hyde effect later actually became a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder, or split personalities. I believe this happens when the soul has experienced something so horribly traumatic that it has to create segments in its reality. 


With my father, his main forward facing identity is a kind, church-going retired salesperson and grandfather. Also within him are parts / fragments that are controlled by Satanic and dark forces. 


I know that he is the blond-haired child who was ritually abused. And I know the adult alcoholic who told me one time that he believed there was a demon inside of him. I know too that his soul loves God. It’s all true. It all is what it is. 


I don’t know my father anymore. 


Over my years of trauma recovery, I recovered suppressed memories of what would happen when he was in his altered, evil state. When his eyes would glaze over with hate, I would know now he’d gone to that other place. When I was a child, that was when I would also begin to dissociate and block what would happen next. As an adult, I learned to stay conscious while he dipped out. And I learned to distance myself from the control he once had over me. 


I don’t know exactly what was said or done to instill the level of fear in me that I’d be killed, but what I sense and have recalled a few times was that my life was directly threatened.  This, combined with ritual abuse, left a very deep fear imprint, as if fear became the undercurrent of life itself.


As if, if I wanted to create or thrive, I'd have to beat it. When it's just a part of you, or you think it is, so much that it's just always there, you don't even know that a part of you is always vigilant. It is just the way life is. You don't even realize that the assumption is that you'll always have to fight, and you can try, but you'll just fail anyway.


While I so wanted my creations to thrive, a part of me - the part inflicted with fear - believed that my creations would fail. I didn't want them to fail, but it was just what had always happened in my life.


The architecture set up long ago.


No one else acknowledges what I'm telling you. He only acknowledged his mental health when he was looking for his all-female wife and daughters to emotionally labor his experiences for him, and he always excused his behavior in the name of God. 


For anyone who has ever had to heal abuse that no one else would acknowledge, you may relate that it takes a really long time to parse it out. To believe yourself, to go through the hours and years of regressive sessions to heal the inner parts, to realize as time goes on how much of you had been impacted. You go through years and years of recovery of ever-deeper mental habits and thought forms. 


You take responsibility for reshaping your life. Because you must. 


And I did this. I did this while blowing the whistle on intergenerational abuse and losing even more. I did this while single parenting. While continuing to experience incessant attacks from nefarious, satanic, dark forces that kept coming at me from more than just my father, figuring it out as I went. While being an “entrepreneur.” 


The fear was always there. My path was steeped in survivalism and fear. 


While I was creating, I was also always trying to break free of the invisible things that held me back. Whether external or internal. 


I could acknowledge that I was strong and capable, the kind of person who seems to have a resiliency that won’t stop, and then I was also simultaneously always expecting my own failure. 


I took risk - whether healthy or not. My risk calculator may have been off. 


And knowing it was true, also fearing that it would be true, that if I went the whole way in on my own soul path, I’d lose not only family, but all support from them. And support could mean a lot of things, from love to compassion to money, and more. In my family, love became conditional and financial, and it was tied to submission into an abusive system. My resources had to go to him (life force) and then his resources (love and money) could come my way. Only in that false, extractive, conditional order. And so I couldn’t do that anymore. 


Which was part of breaking free. 


I was not afraid of being myself, I was afraid of unseen, unpredictable consequences. I was not afraid of love, I was afraid of the forces that came and took love away. I was not afraid of speaking, I was afraid that the wrong ears would hear me and come smack me down again. I was not afraid of money, I was afraid of the unspoken requirements to have enough of it. 


I was the cycle breaker. As you may be. It’s been hard as fuck. 


I haven’t just been on an entrepreneurial path. I’ve been on a soul’s journey to clear the injury that results from satanism and separation in my bloodline, to align to the truth of the soul and remember over and over again that my soul is not only good enough, it is the only thing for me. I came to remember love and the union between feminine and masculine and to not give up because it’s been hundreds if not thousands of lifetimes embodying this fear. 


And yes, I’ve come close to giving up - more than once. 


But now we get to embody the breath. 




NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU


Ironically, and purposefully, the same things that evoke the most fear in you want you to believe that they are your savior. 


It often works. This hook on your energy. And then you’re just inside of a life that fear helped to shape, and it feels like this is life itself, but it’s not. 


In the past few weeks, this quote “No one is coming to save you” came back around. I heard a former teacher of mine, Caroline Padgett, speak about it in an Instagram reel. My initial reaction was aversion. 


“Ugh,” I thought, “that stupid quote.” 


Then I was driving a few days after that and realized the connection to six years ago and the story I’ve told you. Then I recognized that I was in soul-territory and that a bigger realization was knocking at my door. 


Where was this energy still playing out in my life?


You see, things have been unraveling a bit. Unraveling is never particularly fun. Change is healthy, but sometimes we get into a groove of keeping a lid on life, trying to stay safe, and then we resist when more energetic flow wants to move through our system in the form of change. 


Things have been unraveling so that I could see the fear I was still unknowingly living inside of, or was living inside of me. A false condition. An imposed one. 


There were behaviors and adaptations that I’d made while living in fear that now must become undone so that I could live differently. But sometimes, this has felt like facing death itself. 


Sometimes it has felt like choosing to allow the fear to die and some days it has felt like being willing to allow myself to die. Facing the death energy, and the imposition of fear.


I’ve been through many ego deaths and failures. This is different. Deeper. This is a choice to allow something to truly die, even if it’s you. Because you can’t possibly go on doing what you’ve been doing. 


I am a mother of a fifteen year old now and have three beloved pets. We’ve been through a lot. I have tried to shield my son from as much of what I was going through as possible. 


While I was healing myself, while I was learning about the SRA, losing family because I named pedophilia when no one else would. While I was dealing with interdimensional attacks that came through men, housing situations, and financial complications. While I was trying to hold my business and creations together and experiencing, after years of healing, an unexpected CPTSD reaction that took the better part of two years to get out of. While I lost my son’s respect more than a little bit because he didn’t know why I was struggling as I tried to shield him from it. 


I tried to hold it all together. Like the former high achiever and school principal in me. Like my mother demonstrated to the world every time my father was off the rails. Just keep it together. 


Life turned a corner this last New Year. Thank God. We’re not out of the woods in all ways yet, but I’ve learned through all of this to truly regard each day as a step on a longer journey.


But then, my son tells me that he’s had enough. He wants more time at his dad’s. He says he needs freedom. As he says this in an unkind way, and we’re sitting at our dining room table, I feel how I want to hold it together, and I feel how I have to let go. 


I don’t want to let go. I want to turn back time. I want the impacts of my fear, my mental health, of these silent things I’ve been carrying, to never have impacted his childhood. I want to tell him to just hang on, that I’ll fix it. But he wants to go. I can’t get these years back - for him or for me. I want so bad to hold it together. To hold him here longer. 


I watch myself feeling all of this as I watch his face and I feel what’s transpiring in the space between us. I manage my own painful process and I intuit that for us to be okay, I have to let him go. I don’t let him see my process, because my emotional process is not my son’s to labor. 


And then my cat, who has been peeing blood for months, may likely be about to die. Or I’m going to need to make a decision about whether she lives or dies. And I can’t hold that together either. I can't fix or manage it.


And this beautiful, extremely painful, liberating thing starts to happen in me where I realize how fucking badly I’ve been trying to hold it all together, with fear at the root of this grasping. Fear at the root of the failure I’ve feared. Because if I fail, then what would that mean? 


So I start to let go. 


No one coming to save me. Which I wouldn’t actually want. I don’t think I ever wanted to be in that position at all. 


Love? Yes. 


Care? Partnership? Support? Yes. 


Savior? No. 


And the letting go of holding it all together feels like facing death. And it feels like acceptance. And passing through. And surrender. And I think, “Finally, I feel what is meant by surrender.” And then sometimes it feels like pure bliss, pure trust, like being in a portal of just me and God. I feel my soul. From there I dive further into creativity and touch something real. 


A few weeks ago, I experienced a “timeline repair” that went back to that time in early 2018, to the inception of Embodied Breath, and I saw the fear timeline correct itself, and a successful, impactful, replenishing timeline replace it. I could viscerally feel the correction in the energy and the new path in a way I’d never felt before. All I'm sharing here is part of my own soul-process to alchemize this fear timeline.


I did watch Caroline’s full YouTube video about this quote, realizing my aversion to it was the perfect invitation to lean in. 


In the video she tells a story of how she almost died in childbirth and how there was a choice-point to accept instead of cling to life and resist. A point when she knew that no one could save her and that that wasn’t the point anyway. She said that a part of her did have to die - to resistance. And then, in that release, there was freedom. And it just so happened that she lived. 


In resisting letting go, in trying to hold it all together, how am I actually perpetuating the impacts of fear on my own mind/body/soul system that just may be so ready to actually let go? 


Finally, I let it go.



CREATION


There are a lot of things I could tell and teach about how a woman gets her resources, womb, sex, mind, body and soul free and sovereign of dark attack, abuse frequencies, mind control, satanic interference, and intergenerational abuse. 


And I will. I do. 


It’s part of what I’m here for and I respect that if I've lived this, it's my responsibility to share what I've learned.


But with this post, which I’ve now been returning to all month, I think I wanted to acknowledge, for you and I both, what it’s like to be the woman who lives inside of a thing, before it's a cleaned gem or packaged gift.


It’s like I told my son recently, “Everyone likes a story told from the top of the mountain. Well, this is what it looks like to get there.” It’s an honest, humbling, lonely, shitty climb sometimes. But it is ours to climb. Whatever we are handed is our soul’s commitment to pursue. 


This is soul alchemy in real life. This is what it looks like. 


I’m happy to report that I think my cat may be okay in the end and that with more space, my son and I are healthier now. 


I'm also happy to report that this has all been coming up to clear the fear. Massive fear purging is happening!


There are two things that Satan and Lucifer, and all their cronies (which is just another way to say all anti-life and fallen forces) don't want you to know.


One ) Your alignment to your own soul and your commitment to live in that alignment is the most powerful decision you can make. The soul is in alignment with Source / God, and your soul is your superpower. It is the most sovereign and important thing we can do. In aligning to that, we literally save ourselves, and Creation too, as our energy is Creational energy.  


Two) Creation wants to happen through you and your soul alignment. And when we commit to creating in the very essence of who we are, that ensures that Creation continues on. Satanic forces are anti-life, they steal your time, resources, life force, hope, and connections. They stop the flow of life, on purpose. And so, the antidote to anything that is anti-life is to commit to thriving life, to doing your part to further creation. When you feel that spark of infinity in you, hop on it. The inspiration is never wrong.


Make something. Love someone. Plant a seed. Pet a cat. Help an elder. Feel something real, even if it's painful. Let life move through you. Let the truth of Creation move through you. Don't let it be stopped.


It is the antidote to fear and separation. 


Being fully you. 


Let everything false die, so that you can truly live. I’m over here doing the same. 



In love and solidarity, 

Sarah Poet  




Wow, reader, you're my hero for reading a blog post this long! Drop a comment and connect!



woman on mountain top
A view from the top of the mountain.


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6件のコメント


Tumelo Moreri
Tumelo Moreri
6月27日

Such a powerful and activating post. Thank you so much for sharing, Sarah, and for allowing us the privilege of witnessing your journey in this way.


Being a cycle breaker is hard. And we’re doing it.


With all my love,

Tumelo.

いいね!
Sarah Poet
Sarah Poet
6月29日
返信先

We're doing it! Thank you for connecting, Tumelo. Much love!

いいね!

I feel an activation taken place within me just from reading this.


Thank you for sharing.

いいね!
Sarah Poet
Sarah Poet
6月29日
返信先

Wonderful! That is why I write. It was a soul process for me to write this one, and the alchemy can be there for others as well. Blessings.

いいね!

I am facing death these days...


I absolutely don't want or need a saviour... Thankyou for sharing so beautifully what is the most hellish experience. I relate. Different abuse, similar syphoning. That pattern of having to fail to recieve help & support, & the subsequent disempowerment.


You spoke it out clearly.


I loved feeling that pride in my chest for what you have processesed, understood, integrated & expressed here 💗 I asked myself the other day, are you closer to death or to life...


Each morning now that I have released the terror, I wake up with a newly cleansed cellular experience in my brain, I can at last sense what it's like to live without fear & to believe…


いいね!
Sarah Poet
Sarah Poet
6月29日
返信先

Thank you for sharing. Such a multi-dimensional experience. We are clearing the cells, the DNA. Absolutely. So much more than can be explained. Much love to you on your journey also! Sarah


いいね!
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