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Grieve the Need

Updated: May 11


A therapist friend of mine let me know this week that a major theme she’s currently noticing in her clients is grief.

I intuitively responded, “Everyone is grieving what we thought life would be like, what we didn’t manifest.”

She tilted her head to the side to consider this, followed by, “Well, that’s interesting, because the second most common theme is consumption.” (Healing consumption is the first code in Heartland . More on consumption in future posts.)

“Yes,” I said, “that makes sense, because we need to feel the need under it all.”


We’re grieving what we didn’t manifest. That it wasn’t easier.

We’re grieving the loss of the formulas that didn’t work, wondering why we weren’t rewarded for all the effort we put in to healing, becoming our best selves, following the rules.

We stayed the course, kept smiling, kept showing up.

We are noticing what didn’t pay off. And we are noticing that we are going to have to do it differently.

And what a blessing this actually is. We’re ready for it. The love and light manifestation days are over, and we get to get real.

This is wonderful, because it also means that we get to stop perpetually reaching, stop demanding of ourselves to always want more (implying dissatisfaction), stop thinking that we have to be positive in order to be worthy inside of some vortex.

We get to need. We get to grieve the needs that were under all of the efforts to “manifest.”


You can’t go onto social media without seeing some sort of post about manifesting the life you want, about the next thing you need to do to get to where you want to go. It’s a future-based game, not a now-based reality. (Of course, you have to continue to improve your frequency to continue to grow your life, but I’m talking to conscious people - we get this already.)

I am in the best “frequency” of my entire life. I bet you are too. It leads to discernment and authenticity.

And we’re discerning that we don’t really want to keep hyping and hoping - there is a NOW that we want to feel, and something has been missing in how we have approached the reaching, reaching, reaching of the manifestation game.

Yesterday I saw a meme that said, “The only thing keeping you from the life you want is your frequency.” I actually felt my tongue go “bleh” in my mouth as I am so sick of seeing these things. These messages feel basic and insignificant to me - I can’t feel them, and I actually lost respect for the person who posted it.

Women of the world, there is beauty in your current moment. Beauty in your grief, your truth.

Beauty in the decay and the realization that not only does it need to be different now, the relief is that it gets to be different now.

You get to stop hyping and you get to start feeling.

It all starts with feeling the original need.


When you really look at it, all the things you deeply desire, you can’t control whether or not you receive.

The “manifestation” game makes you think that you can control it, but you can’t.

There is a vulnerability in wanting something, a special innocence in desire, which can not be felt when following a hyped-up manifestation quest.

“Write your list of wants, get the in vortex, align and receive!”

Are you grieving how your version of that didn’t actually work? When is the last time that you sat with the tenderness of your humanity, the truth that you can’t control anything, and the truth that when we attempt to control it all, we like ourselves less?

Everything I really want, I can’t control whether or not I have.

Everything you want, you can’t control whether or not you receive it.

Does this frustrate you? Does it feel like liberation? Perhaps you disagree with me entirely.

If I want a husband (and I do), I have a choice. I have many choices, but here I’ll highlight a dualism to make my point. I can want a husband and go about performing before God and Universe showing how worthy and aligned I am to receive said tall bearded conscious man who also desire Sacred Union, or, I can completely surrender to my inability to control this and feel the need instead.

I like feeling the need way better than I like how I feel when I’m striving. Of course, either way, I’m aligning to the frequency I want to feel, but not so that I get the husband, but rather, so that I feel like myself.

Also, I feel that what we actually desire is way more likely to come to fruition if we go back and feel, truly feel, the need under it.

It is in this space that I want to exist. Because it makes me a person I actually like. I like the humility of knowing I can not control the Universe. I like the way my heart needs to know God in order to truly create anything of worth. I like my own innocence and devotion that arises after grieving my insignificance.


I don’t think we’re entitled to anything. Especially in these days of forming a New Earth - I don’t think we will come to the things we desire through entitlement, capitalism, service to self, or “man”ifestation.

I think messages of “You can have anything you want” are misleading and capitalistic. I think women needed these messages after eons of suppression, but now, we’re growing in consciousness and responsibility. We are invested in collective gain, and in things like collective sustenance and sustainability.

We want every woman, child and family to have what they need. What we need. We want to watch our sisters rise alongside us, rather than racing to consume before the other can. We want more love.

We want to have what we need and some extra. We want to see abundance for all those we love. We want every woman’s child to thrive. This is the shift. These are those times.

When our cup runneth over, we help one another rise. We didn’t come to add to the problems of consumption and extraction on the earth. If you are not receiving what you want or need, it may be because your soul actually just didn’t come to participate in those old games, and here we are, on the brink of the New.

In the New, we go together. We uplift on another. We support one another’s needs. We make it easier to receive.


In the wee morning hours, when my animals and the world are still asleep, the gnosis has been dropping in for me that need is the gateway.

It’s a key of sorts.

First, I was guided to feel and acknowledge the things I need. This is how I realized, oh so deeply and humbly, that I can not control one damn bit of it (also, how hard it is to actually admit actual need). I experienced a lot of true, primal emotion and feeling as I felt the need. Also, it’s easier to admit it to God than to another human. This part is actually required - telling Mother Father God of your true need.

And second, I grieved it. I grieved the hopes, the striving, the misaligned use of my energy. I grieved always striving up and out instead of going down and in - into the space of the need. Habitually trying to skirt the need, pretending it wasn’t there.

And then, I’ll say, the spaces that I have been led to while “down and in” - into the primordial spaces of Earth, Womb, Woman, Heart, Blackness, Cosmos - it has been life changing.

Alchemical, as these spaces are.

Stop running, my love. I encourage you. Collapse the space between you and your need. Feel it. Let it change you.


If you’ve made it this far reading this, I’m holding a workshop for a group of us on January 23.

We will be meeting on a zoom call for a bit of a teaching from me on need, an opportunity for you to begin to access the truth of your need (this is for you - you don’t have to share it with anyone else - we want you to feel it fully), and then we will Breathe The Need, which I feel will be a really beautiful experience. There is a rose/breath practice that has been shown to me and I’ll be minding my intuitions until we meet, bringing forward a potent and gently activating experience for you and your soul.


EDITED: This workshop recoding is inside the Breathe To Receive course in the Sacred Remembering Community. It is there for you.

Women, there is deep alchemical transformation possible in our willingness to stop running/hyping and turn and FEEL the NEED. Honestly, it’s bigger than my human mind can grasp and that is soooo delicious because I feel something far more primordial at work here.

It is my hope that this workshop is the start of something really beautiful for you in your life. Like a delicious inoculant in the deep richness of your feminine life.

Much love,

Sarah Poet

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